Posts made in November 2019

Watching Pornography – a Harmless Pastime?

Is pornography a harmless activity? A “No harm, no foul” situation?

Nina Bullock from Fight the New Drug has emphatic answers. Her answers are, “No!” and “No!” 

The “new drug” that her organization is fighting is pornography. It resembles a street drug in that it requires a continuously increasing dose to produce a thrill. It can also ruin lives.

How Pornography Messes up Lives

Let’s join Bullock in taking a look at a composite case, Joey Adams. Eighteen now, Joey started going to porn sites when he was 12 years old. He didn’t go looking for a porn site, but one day during web surfing, he saw an attractive female picture.

Curious, he clicked the link, and suddenly this 12-year-old was looking at the most exciting woman he had ever imagined.

It gave him a nice dopamine hit. He felt great!

But after a few days of looking at her, he wanted more. And bam! The more he saw, the more he wanted. At first, watching kissing was exciting, but over time, to get the excitement and the turn-on he now craved, he was searching for hard core sex acts.

But soon even that wasn’t enough. There had to be some violence in it to get him turned on. It had to be rape. And then brutal rape. And then beatings along with the sex.  

By the time he was in his mid-teens, even those images didn’t do it for him.  By age 18, he needed to watch ATMs. And no, we’re not talking about automatic teller machines. (Look it up under ATM sex.). (Although skip looking it up if you have a weak stomach. It’s horrible, and yet common.)

Adam Was Addicted

Adams needed to spend a couple of hours a day getting his porn fix. He had a serious addiction problem.

As Bullock points out, there were negative effects to what Adams was doing. For one thing, his addiction was affecting his brain. His brain was becoming desensitized and it took ever greater amounts of his pornography “drug” to give him the high that he craved. 

This also affected his heart. He could be in the presence of a real girl and feel nothing.  Between his tendencies to isolation and a sense of shame, his social life became non-existent.

Another consequence was one that involved society as a whole. Adams was unintentionally helping make possible a whole ecosystem of exploitation, whether women or men, or for that matter, boys or girls. 

“People may try to tell you this is harmless,” says Bullock, “but it’s not harmless. In 9 countries, 49% of sexually exploited women said that pornography was made of them during the time they were being sold for sex. For more on this come to: https://fightthenewdrug.org/by-the-numbers-porn-sex-trafficking-connected/

An Ultimate Scam

As Bullock points out, “There was an institute that claimed to be a sex positive production company, but we later learned that the star of these films was being trafficked.   

“One female survivor’s captor slept on top of her at night so she wouldn’t escape, watched her through a hole when she went to the bathroom, and listened to her phone calls with a gun pointed at her head. She was forced to appear in a video that made the Sinclair Intimacy Institute’s list of ‘sex positive productions!’”  

The victim reported, “Every time someone watches that film, they are watching me being raped.” 

What Parents Can Do

Don’t have “the sex talk” just once. Have it over and over again. – For age-appropriate language, visit: https://fightthenewdrug.org/the-guideline-how-to-talk-to-your-kids-about-porn/

You have a right to prevent your child from viewing pornography. It’s a right just as much as you have a right to keep your child from any dangerous drug.

What an Addicted Person Can Do

 

What about the individual who is already addicted and wants to get back a normal life, one where he (and sometimes she) feels normal arousal related to real human beings?  For recovery-related resources, Bullock recommends: https://joinfortify.com/ftnd  

For more information on pornography addiction, go to https://fightthenewdrug.org.  

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Mitzi Perdue is a business owner, speaker. and author of the books, HOW TO MAKE YOUR FAMILY BUSINESS LAST, and 52 TIPS FOR PREVENTING HUMAN TRAFFICKING. Contact her at Mitzi@MitziPerdue.com or call her at 410 860-4444.

 

 

 

 

Evil at Its Worst

Jim Conrad is a Delaware Poet who wrote this poem, Evil at Its Worst, for Win This Fight.  A great big Thank You to Conrad for doing this!  Poetry can focus and intensity emotions as words alone cannot. Again, thank you, Jim Conrad, for writing this.

                                 

                                    Cruelty To Animals

                                                On The TV Screen —Brings Tears

                                    But There Are Far Worse Happenings

                                                That Should Rank With Greatest Fears

                                    This Thing Called Sex Trade Trafficking

                                                Is The Worst —-With Silent Screams

                                    The Kind Of Thing That Should Cause Us

                                                To All Have Nightmare Dreams

                                    Savage, Base, Brutality

                                                So Some May Money Make

                                    International In It’s Scope

                                                With Cowards On The Take

                                    Like Cattle Are These Slaves Then Sold

                                                To Perverse Folk Who Have Bid

                                    They’re Bought To Perform Unspeakable Acts

                                                For Those Buyers Who Are Conscience Rid

                                    Daughters, Wives and Children

                                                Yes, Even Boys Of Youth

                                    From Skins Of Every Color

                                                And All Of It The Truth

                                    I Hope It’s Not Your Sister

                                                Or Niece Or Cousin Or Mother

                                    Your Girlfriend Or Your Fiancée

                                                Or Perhaps Even Your Brother

                                    But Just Because It’s No One

                                                That You May Ever Know

                                    Does Not Mean That Good Folk

                                                Can Let This Evil Go

                                    Starting With Awareness

                                                It’s The LEAST That We Can Do

                                    And Perhaps We Can Find Other Ways

                                                To See This Perversion Thru

                                    The One Thing We Can Never Do

                                                Is Turn And Walk Away

                                    For If We Do, Then Many Lives

                                                May NEVER Ever See The Light Of Day

                        Original poem by Jim Conrad as inspired by stories about Human Sex Traffickingt. 2019                                                             

Combatting Trafficking and a “Pearl Experience”

By Mitzi Perdue

The earrings you see in this illustration are stylish, unusual, and beautiful. However, when you know the story behind them, I bet you’ll see them as being even more beautiful. 

They’re a donation to Win This Fight,  Stop Human Trafficking, and they’re part of a promise that Sally Jackson (not her real name) made to herself four years ago.  It’s a promise that involves #MeToo, heartbreak, a complicated moral decision, and a life  that’s ever since been devoted to helping and uplifting women.

Jackson and I are having breakfast at the Pelican Hill Resort in Southern California. We can look past graceful palm trees to see the calm Pacific Ocean.

“My Mom was an immigrant to the U.S. who came to this country with nothing,” begins Jackson, wiping away a tear.  “Despite being a single working mother of three, she became a very successful business owner.  She was very wary of my pursuit of the film industry but when she realized that I had forged my own path, and successfully, she gave me these earrings as a gift.”

As you can see when you look at the image of the earrings, the gift was an expensive one. The gems are real, and the earrings are worth considerably more than Jackson’s Prius.  Given their price, and even more, given that they were a gift from her beloved mother, Jackson says, “They’re the most precious thing I own.”

Why would Jackson part with something so meaningful and precious?

Jackson continues her story.  She did have the successful career her mother dreamed of for her.  She worked on countless movies, garnered 114 Academy Award nominations and scored several wins during her tenure.  She made millions for the company she worked for and she worked with some of the most famous stars in Hollywood.

However, at the height of her success, her boss propositioned her for sex and she refused.  “When I didn’t go along with what he wanted, he made sure I got all the worst jobs in the company,”  Jackson remembers, and as she speaker, her face growing pale, “This was prior to the #MeToo movement and I  felt like I had very few options.”

Her boss made it increasingly difficult for her to continue working in the company. She resigned and for months was unemployed.  It was a bleak and catastrophically depressing, anxiety-filled time. She was living off of her savings and at the end, she had only $13 left in the bank.

But then she got a dream job, one that turned out to be just right for her and she was happy again. But then the #MeToo movement erupted and Jackson was asked to face these demons once again.

Jackson continues: “Two of the women who worked for my old company knew why I had quit and asked me for help in fighting against the boss who had caused me to leave.  The man had been preying on the two women, and they felt that if we could  all join forces, we could stop this sexual predator.”  

At this point in the story, Jackson is crying freely.  After dabbing at her eyes with her napkin, she puts on dark glasses and continues.

She told her two women friends, “I cannot put my new husband through this We have been through too much pain over this and we’ve just bounced back from being nearly broke.”

Jackson made the decision to remain silent.  It was a wrenching decision, but the memories of the anxiety she had felt when she was eating up all her savings, coupled with the depression that went with it–those memories were still fresh.  That plus she had dozens of people working for her and she felt a deep responsibility to them. Supporting the two women who were being victimised would not only jeopardise everything she most cared about  it could also impact the people who were now working for her.

An outside person listening to her telling her story might feel that she had no choice but to remain silent. And yet, to this day she grieves that she didn’t help the two women who were suffering.

Even so, something good came from this wrenching experience.  She vowed to the two women and to herself: “I promise I will do more good for women in my silence, than I could have ever done by taking him down.” In the years since, because of that promise, she’s given her all to helping women.

Her work now is focused on impact investing, particularly investing in startups that promote structural change in major industries that promote the advancement of women and minorities.

Jackson’s story resembles the story of how a pearl oyster can produce a gorgeous pearl, but only when a grain of sand or other irritant starts the process. In the case of a pearl, the oyster protects itself from the irritation by covering it with layers and layers of nacre.  And thus a beautiful iridescent pearl is formed.

Sally Jackson regrets that she wasn’t there for her two former colleagues who were experiencing #MeToo. However, a beautiful (if metaphorical) pearl has been the result.  She’s spending the rest of her life helping all women.  

Donating the beautiful earrings to help stop human trafficking is just one aspect of how she is keeping her promise.  

Those earrings really, really are beautiful, right?

 

Mitzi Perdue is the organiser of Win This Fight, Stop Human Trafficking. Contact her at:  mitzi@winthisfight.org.